


Pushing Me Away

by 15ekaytert887



Series: Captain Swan Playlist [2]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, POV, Season 4A, season 4
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-29
Updated: 2017-06-29
Packaged: 2018-11-21 03:59:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11349414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/15ekaytert887/pseuds/15ekaytert887
Summary: Killians POV during the "wanna go home and see what's on Netflix?" scene of 4aInspired by The Jonas Brothers "Pushing Me Away"





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not as crazy about this story as I am about some of the others Ive published but I thought i may as well say what the hell and publish it here anyway 
> 
> I was a die hard JoBro fan in middle school and when this song came up while on shuffle it just got my creative CS mind working, plus the lyrics really are perfect for how Killian feels most of the time regarding Emma

“So crisis averted.” Killian said as he made his way up to Emma. He had to admit the giant snow monster had been a bit of a surprise. He didn't know what it was about this town that attracted magical villains like the plague (himself included) but as he had told Swan earlier there would always be a crisis, but he fully intended to live his life to the fullest during them. Especially now that he had found something to live for. And with the giant snow beast subsequently taken care for the time being Killian was more than looking forward to spending some quality time with his Swan and savior. 

Emma turned to him, a half relived smile on her beautiful face. “So, you wanna go home and see what's on Netflix?” she asked half heartedly. Killian felt his own heart swell at the proposal. He didn't know what this ‘Netflix’ business was and he didn't care, all that mattered is that his Swan was finally (finally) asking him to join her in an activity that didn't involve helping her chase down a monster. He felt a grin spread across his face. 

“I don't know what that is, but sure!” He laughed. 

Emma smiled a little at his response but it didn't last. “Killian,” she began hesitantly,

(Killian swore his heart beat a little faster every time she said his actual name, especially after their night in front of Granny's) 

However something in her voice gave him the feeling he wasn't going to like what she was about to say. “Someone created that snowman, this isn't over.” Emma finished concern now clouding her features.

Killian was right. He didn't like what she had to say. He could tell that she was worried and that she wanted to go after whoever had been behind creating that snow beast as soon as possible. However Emma wouldn't be the woman he loved more than life itself if she didn’t. But for right now they were not actively being attacked and Killian intended to take full advantage of that fact. 

“It never is,” he reminded her “all the more reason to enjoy the quiet moments. And right now…” Killian moved closer to Emma his voice lowering and his lips already tingling in anticipation of kissing her “we have a quiet moment.” He said softly, moving in closer. 

However instead of reciprocating his advances Emma backed away. “I know…” she said “I just got to do something.” 

Emma Swan was the love of his life but she was also bloody infuriating. She was avoiding him. Pushing him away. Again. Killian knew it and he suspected she knew he knew it and it infuriated him. After what they had shared last night he had THOUGHT that things had changed. 

“Right. Of course, go ahead.” Killian said stepping away and gesturing for her to continue to leave (to run like she always did.)

“Don’t tell me you're not avoiding me anymore and I'm actually quite perceptive and this—“ Killian motioned between the two of them “this is avoiding me.” He finished. He was going to make her say it. If she really cared so little about him as to avoid as she so obviously was than he was at the very least going to force her to own up to that fact in person. 

Killian expected her to make a sarcastic comment and deflect. He expected her to turn and walk away from him. To run away like she always did. He expected to have to continue to chase her, like he always had and always would. 

But Emma surprised him. “I know, I know,” she started before he could even finish, “I am.” 

For a moment Killian was stunned. He hadn’t believed for a second that Emma would actually admit to it and for a moment it scared him. Did she really care so little about him? But as Killian looked into her soft green eyes he saw that Emma's walls were back up. He knew Emma--he had been able to read her since the day they had met-- and she only put her walls up in order to protect herself. Meaning that she was trying to protect herself from HIM. 

This revelation somehow only managed to make Killian feel both better and worse at the same time. If his Swan was trying to protect herself from him than that meant she FELT something for him (a fact he had already known but it was always nice to get some sort of confirmation of.) However the fact that Emma still didn't trust him after everything they had shared still broke his heart. Her words from the previous week rang in his head. 

“It doesn't matter now. I can't trust you anymore. How can I?”

Killian continued to look into eyes, searching for the truth that he knew she wouldn't give him. He didn't understand. He had thought that they were past this. Weren't they past this? It appears that they weren't and he felt his heart literally sink into the forest floor beneath him. The other night SHE had kissed HIM and now she was avoiding him. This was just like bloody Neverland all over again. Except this time Killian had quite literally put his heart out on the line, practically offering it to her on a silver platter, beforehand. He had revealed what he had done in order to get back to her. That he had traded everything. Everything that had ever meant something to him. His ship. His home. His FAMILY. All in hopes to be once again reunited with the woman he loved, even knowing full well that she may never love him back. 

However then she had kissed him and Killian had felt his heart once again feel whole. It wasn't anything like their kiss in Neverland. That kiss had been quick and passionate. A release of all the emotions they had been feeling since arriving to the island. Fear, stress, hate, surprise, love, joy, gratitude, as well as pent up sexual frustration and attraction. Even though that kiss would always remain in Killian's mind as one of the greatest moments of his very long life the kiss they shared at Granny's had been just as meaningful but in a different way. 

Instead of quick and dirty it was soft and sweet. Killian had cradled her head in his hand and had run his fingers through the softness of her golden curls, reveling in the feel of her. He had known that she would be skittish so he kissed and held her like she was precious treasure because she was, and she had kissed him back like she loved and trusted him. Last night Killian had thought he had felt one of her many walls finally tumbling down. But apparently the dawn of a new day had only brought it back in full force and it broke his damn heart because THIS -- this avoidance game she was playing -- this was worse than if she had just shut him down and rejected him after telling her about the Jolly. At least then he wouldn't have had all his hopes and dreams be answered just to have them once again crushed. 

Killians eyes continued to search hers, pleading with her to tell him the truth. 

“I just feel…” Emma said refusing to meet his gaze “well right now I just feel too guilty.” 

Killian thought for a moment. What on earth did his Swan have to feel guilty about? But then he remembered the original crisis they had woken up with this morning, before the snow monster attack. How he and Emma had more or less accidentally brought back Robins wife from the past. A fact which was now causing turmoil in the Evil Queens love life. 

“Of Regina?” Killian questioned skeptically. 

“She lost someone she really cares for because of me.” Emma responded quickly yet dejectedly. Killian searched her face while Emma continued her refusal to meet his gaze. Last night Emma had felt guilty sure, but it had been nothing compared to this. She had still felt like she had done the right thing by saving Marion and had said she'd do it again. However this morning she was so wrecked with guilt over what THEY (It wasn't like Killian was blameless here either for he had helped Emma bring the poor woman back) had done that she couldn't enjoy being happy with him? No. That didn't add up. Killian knew that she was lying but he didn't have a clue as to what her reasons were.

Finally he looked down at the ground and spoke “No. There's more to this than just Regina, isn't there?” He met her eyes with a challenging look. He challenged her to try and deny. To deflect. To say it wasn't true and push him away again. But Emma met his stare full on, her green eyes impenetrably guarded. They stared each other down for a long moment until Emma leaned forward to kiss him. 

Killian held his ground. He refused to be used like this. To be seduced into letting the subject go. He wouldn't. He needed answers. He needed the truth. He needed to know why his Swan was so hell bent on pushing him away with every word she said. But the moment her lips met his he caved. Who was he kidding? He was putty in her hands. He loved her. He needed her. He needed the reassurance in their relationship her kiss gave him.

The kiss was chaste and brief but Killian still attempted to put as much of his own feelings for her into it. His love for Emma and a reassurance that he was there for her. Would always be there for her whether she trusted him or not. 

Emma pulled back much to soon for Killian's taste but before walking away she looked at him, “Be patient.” She said simply before turning and heading towards the merry men's camp. 

Those two words once again ignited the flame of hope inside Killian’s soul (even more than the kiss had.) His Swan was asking for his patience, implying that one day there would be a time where they would be together without her running away or pushing him away. 

“I have all the time in the world,” he quietly called after her but with a thought he added “unless of course another monster appears and kills me.” Emma turned and gave him a small smile over her shoulder as she continued to head for Robins camp where her father was taking statements. Killian knew enough to know that that was his cue to leave. He gave a nod towards the prince as well as the thief and headed towards the docks, hoping to clear his head. 

Emma was asking for his patients. Killian was a patient man. You don't live nearly 300 years with the sole pursuit of killing the Dark One without becoming an expert in being patient. Killian could and would wait forever for his Swan if he had to but her comment had ignited the fire within him again. To know that there would one day be a time in which Emma would be his--that her kisses weren't just some moments of lust she had no intention of following up on—made Killian all that more desperate to have her. He had been patient his entire pursuit of Emma. Constantly going at her pace and receiving emotional whiplash with her actions. But now…? Maybe now was the time he finally did some pushing of his own. He was done being patient. He wanted Emma and he wanted her now, besides he had always been a bit of a selfish bastard. He was a pirate, it came with the territory. 

If today's events had taught Killian anything is that his constant pursuit of Emma was not in vain. He was catching up, he was on her tail and gaining fast. He wasn't going to let her get away. Not again. She wasn't going anywhere.


	2. Lyrics

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lyrical inspiration

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: none of the lyrics are mine

Pushin' Me Away by Jonas Brothers

Run, run like you do  
I'm chasing you  
I'm on your tail, I'm gaining fast  
You're going nowhere  
Try to fix what you've done  
Turn back the sun  
The night is calling and we're falling faster now

Pushing me away  
Every last word, every single thing you say  
Pushing me away  
Try to stop me now, but it's already too late  
Pushing me away  
If you really don't care, then say it to my face  
Pushing me away  
You push, push, you're pushing me away

Stop, tell me the truth  
Cause I'm so confused  
Spinning 'round, these walls are falling down and I need you  
More than you know  
I'm not letting go  
I'm getting close, so take my hand  
And please just tell me why

Pushing me away  
Every last word, every single thing you say  
Pushing me away  
Try to stop me now, but it's already too late  
Pushing me away  
If you really don't care, then say it to my face  
Pushing me away

You push, push, you're pushing me away  
Push, push, pushing me away  
Ya push, push, pushing me away  
Push, push, pushing me away

Ya push, push, pushing me away  
Ya push, push, pushing me away  
Ya push, push, pushing me away  
Ya push, push, pushing me away

Oh!

Pushing me away  
Every last word, every single thing you say  
Pushing me away  
Try to stop me now, but it's already too late  
Pushing me away  
If you really don't care, then say it to my face  
Pushing me away

You push, push, you're pushing me away  
Pushing me away

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed! All comments and kudos mean the world to me:)


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